Nineteen

Letter I wrote to my future self at the beginning of the summer at the Missouri Leadership Conference.
At the time I did not image the horrors of the remainder of the summer, but how could I?
They were bad yes, I have grown from them.
But I still think I look fat in my cross country uniform.
But most people look fat in that ugly piece of garbage.
I knew this thing was worthless the second I wrote it.
I wanted to write something amazing because I loved MLS, but I was overwhelmed and excited and having a freaking fit.  I wish I could go back... but I probably would have don't the same things.  I know everything happens for a reason, so I guess a major catastrophe was the only thing to cure me of my funk.
Life does seem a lot simpler now.  More easy going, yet more important somehow.
Anyway, here you go...

June 5, 2011
Dear Kerry,
MLS was amazing, but I'm sure a few months won't make you forget that.  Come back next year! (Which I'm not, even though I wish I could).  No matter what it takes come back.  You have the power to change lives.  You can change lives in MLS, change them just as much as MLS changed you this year.  You woke up this weekend.  Be proud of who you are.  Be confident, give hugs, be excited.  Make sure Mu Alpha Theta is amazing!  You can change even more lives through Mu Alpha Theta. (Don't really see that happening either.)  And that's what you want to do with your life right?  Never go back to the hardships of sophomore year (or this summer, my gosh.)  You are a wonderful, beautiful, powerful person.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  DON'T BE AFRAID.  Always be yourself.  You're amazing.  Follow all of your dreams.  Marry a sexy irish boy, travel the country, BE HAPPY!  I love you, you're amazing and don't ever let people put you in a box.  Life needs to be lived.  Do what you love and fuck (ahh, passionate cursing) the rest.  Life is one big party.
Love you!
Kerry Moriarty

I mean, somethings have changed a lot since then, but MLS did change me.
And this summer changed me.

Fowler said something about overcoming adversity today, and about having grit.
(Which I feel bad because my knee was kinda painful and I told them about it, which feels like complaining, which I hate, but it really wasn't that much... I still did the workout.)
I feel like that was my entire sophomore year and all of last summer.
And the past year gave me a heck of a lot of grit.
But the past is the past and I want to keep it that way.
Learn from the past, but don't live in the past.
Believe me, I know how repetitive I am making this.
But I am fucking done with the past.
(I think The Catcher in the Rye is giving me a dirty mouth., but I loved that book so ridiculously much.)

By the way homecoming is this weekend.
I'm reaaaallly excited.
I'm getting my haircut and highlighted Saturday at nine in the morning.
The lady that did my sister's hair had a cancellation luckily.
It is going to be so much freaking fun.