Twenty Seven

I was having a really good day today.

Then my dad was an ass for about 30 seconds.

And now I don't want to write this.

Twenty Six

I'm putting this in here, then putting it behind me.
I know she's lying, but whatever.
I guess she can take her time.
& in the meantime she can just continue leading herself off a bridge...
I've done what I can.
In the meantime, I'm sorry I haven't written daily as planned.
This week was homecoming and next week is fall break, so it's pretty much the perfect storm.
And I don't want to talk about anything right now anyway.

Oh I'm also gonna put these on here, because they are what made me finally say this to her.

Do you see this shit!?  It's mind-blowing!  Does she think we're idiots?  The bleaches, the floor, Andrew's hand, her own freaking arm?  All freaking warped!  Not to mention the fact that she is impossibly skinny.  She made herself look anorexic.  Just so freaking stupid.

But to be honest, after everything she does, the message I sent her wasn't out of love or concern.

I was pissed off.  I was pissed because she isn't okay with the way she is.

I am still pissed actually.  I'm pissed that I'm working my ass off to lost my shitty summer weight, and she is just making herself throw up and editing her pictures.

I know I shouldn't be like that though.  Because my mind and body are healthy and both of hers are sick.

Seriously though, I'm don't being concerned if she wants to keep lying.

She can do whatever she wants.

Twenty Two

Agh, so much junk.

Hmm...

So the DECA field trip was really fun, and so was powderpuff.

Tomorrow is Friday (thank goodness), and I have a cross country meet.

It should be fun, but I have to miss the homecoming parade, even though I'm president of Mu Alpha Theta.

Hopefully Smitha and Tyler can handle it, but I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it.

I already spent a ridiculous amount of time making the float (with no help from the majority of the the club, which has at least 100 people).

I stayed up until two last night making the "centerpiece."

I hope people remember to wear togas... (the float is Grecian because a lot of mathematical figures are letters of the Greek alphabet).

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday which means Saturday is homecoming!

AND I AM RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED!!

We're going to New Town to take pictures, and then I'm not sure if were eating or not. 

To be honest, we might not even go to New Town... I don't really know.

But that's our plan for now.

Then after homecoming (over 75% of our school is supposed to be there, the tickets almost sold out completely - which is freaking crazy), people are spending the night at my house. 

So yeah, that should be interesting.

Then Sunday will be a homework/running day I guess.

And after that, there is only a week and a half until fall break.

(WHICH IS TWO FREAKING WEEKS LONG!!)

Ah, I'm so glad tomorrows Friday, this was a tough week to get through.

I still haven't weighted myself yet, but I don't want to do it because I don't want it to break my confidence that I have lost some of this garbage weight.

I just want to be completely fit and healthy by college, I don't care what these crazies in high school think of me, I just want college to be really fun and awesome.

But for now I will just have to do my best with high school.
Yikes, Pray for me.

Jasmine

Katie

Kelly

Sarah, Megan, Allie, Ashlynn (DECA)

Twenty

I've decided to add pictures to this beautiful blog!

Cross Country Meet
Paul Enke Invitational (The Man Maker) 

Alexis, Brianna, Danielle

DECA field trip tomorrow.
Powderpuff tomorrow.
Only three more days until homecoming.
Only fifteen days until fall break - which contains only one full week of school.
Life holds so much promise.

homecoming week
animal print

around the world

Zach, Jasmine

Nineteen

Letter I wrote to my future self at the beginning of the summer at the Missouri Leadership Conference.
At the time I did not image the horrors of the remainder of the summer, but how could I?
They were bad yes, I have grown from them.
But I still think I look fat in my cross country uniform.
But most people look fat in that ugly piece of garbage.
I knew this thing was worthless the second I wrote it.
I wanted to write something amazing because I loved MLS, but I was overwhelmed and excited and having a freaking fit.  I wish I could go back... but I probably would have don't the same things.  I know everything happens for a reason, so I guess a major catastrophe was the only thing to cure me of my funk.
Life does seem a lot simpler now.  More easy going, yet more important somehow.
Anyway, here you go...

June 5, 2011
Dear Kerry,
MLS was amazing, but I'm sure a few months won't make you forget that.  Come back next year! (Which I'm not, even though I wish I could).  No matter what it takes come back.  You have the power to change lives.  You can change lives in MLS, change them just as much as MLS changed you this year.  You woke up this weekend.  Be proud of who you are.  Be confident, give hugs, be excited.  Make sure Mu Alpha Theta is amazing!  You can change even more lives through Mu Alpha Theta. (Don't really see that happening either.)  And that's what you want to do with your life right?  Never go back to the hardships of sophomore year (or this summer, my gosh.)  You are a wonderful, beautiful, powerful person.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  DON'T BE AFRAID.  Always be yourself.  You're amazing.  Follow all of your dreams.  Marry a sexy irish boy, travel the country, BE HAPPY!  I love you, you're amazing and don't ever let people put you in a box.  Life needs to be lived.  Do what you love and fuck (ahh, passionate cursing) the rest.  Life is one big party.
Love you!
Kerry Moriarty

I mean, somethings have changed a lot since then, but MLS did change me.
And this summer changed me.

Fowler said something about overcoming adversity today, and about having grit.
(Which I feel bad because my knee was kinda painful and I told them about it, which feels like complaining, which I hate, but it really wasn't that much... I still did the workout.)
I feel like that was my entire sophomore year and all of last summer.
And the past year gave me a heck of a lot of grit.
But the past is the past and I want to keep it that way.
Learn from the past, but don't live in the past.
Believe me, I know how repetitive I am making this.
But I am fucking done with the past.
(I think The Catcher in the Rye is giving me a dirty mouth., but I loved that book so ridiculously much.)

By the way homecoming is this weekend.
I'm reaaaallly excited.
I'm getting my haircut and highlighted Saturday at nine in the morning.
The lady that did my sister's hair had a cancellation luckily.
It is going to be so much freaking fun.

Seventeen

Ugh.  Blah.
I don't understand the way I feel right now.
I guess its antsy...
I'm being impatient.
I don't know what I'm waiting for.

Oh and that all veggie thing was a stupid idea.
You don't get any energy and you always feel bloated.
No more of that garbage.
I was a silly idea, I shouldn't be so naive.

Fifteen

I'm so sorry, i'm just so busy and tired and I can't do this for a short while.
I have so much to do at the moment.
Hopefully I can have a fully fleshed-out post tomorrow night or Saturday night.
Sorry, I have to study for physics and marketing and do my math and spanish homework.
Aghh, and I have to wake up at like 5:30 tomorrow.
At times like these I just try to think of the kids in China and India who are constantly doing school work and studying.
At least I don't have a tiger mom.
At least a million years of intense schooling isn't my only way to escape poverty.
I'll get through tonight and tomorrow somehow, even if I appear to be a member of the walking dead.